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• (925): View more from California

  I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.

  (916): View more from California

  You're drunk. Make complete sentences.

  (925): View more from California

  It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.

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• (858): View more from California

  I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

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• (510): View more from California

  Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.

  Fav 7 1658 2913

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.

  Fav 34 8873 1995

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  Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)

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• (206): View more from Washington

  thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake

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• (310): View more from California

  I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.

  Fav 1 970 533

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  Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there

  Fav 2 390 476

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.

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• (415): View more from California

  Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?

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