I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
