when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
