No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
