My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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