So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
