I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
