Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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