Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
