smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
