I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
