I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
