you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
