I feel like abortions should bother me more
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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