Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Come on in and take your pants off
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