listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
