that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
