Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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