I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
