i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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