I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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