Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
