i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
