There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
