the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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