Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
