Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
