My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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