the day after is always just damage control
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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