My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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