Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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