Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
