Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
