Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
