I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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