but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
