im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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