at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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