i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
