Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
