He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
