I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
