eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
