my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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