So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
