Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
