I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
