I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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