ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think a kid would responsible me up
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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