Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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