They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
