its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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