I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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