Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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