the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
