Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
