Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im six kinds of drunk right now
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize