i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
