I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
