You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
