The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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