Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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