I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
