I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
