I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
