a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
