my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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