My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
