benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
