There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
