this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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