It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
