I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
