how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
