uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
