I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
