You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Are we still banned from the library?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize