Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
