I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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