He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
