I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
