i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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