Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
