How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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