i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
