Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just cropdusted the office
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
